Them’s the breaks.

My brother’s in town, I had lunch with him yesterday. He’s 5 years younger than I am, and it’s only in the past year or two it has started to feel like we’re on the same page, and can connect on an adult level.

We were very close as kids, but there was a time where he was in elementary school and I in University, when we didn’t have a lot in common. Now that we’re both in our 20s the gap is closing and it’s so, so nice.

He’s had a serious girlfriend for the past couple of years. He studies in the States and she here in Ontario, so they’ve been long distance for the majority of their relationship. He’s headed out west to play soccer for the summer, and I commented yesterday that she’s a very understanding girlfriend, that it must be difficult to be so far away from one another all the time.

He confided in me that they are actually on a break, have been since Christmas. She had been very busy with and focused on school in the fall, he began to feel neglected. When they had ample time to spend together over the holidays they decided a break might be the best thing for them. They’re still talking most days. I asked if they were seeing other people, he said they discussed that hook ups were okay, that if he’s out and it happens, it happens, but he’s not actively looking to replace her. It was kind of disarming to hear this from my baby brother, but he’s a grown up, and I did ask.

This kind of arrangement makes sense to me. When I broke up with my former long term boyfriend we too continued to occasionally see one another and be intimate. We were fully apart, not on a break, but it’s a messy business. Sometimes you need someone, and that person is already someone you know inside out and feel comfortable with. As long as both parties are on the same page, I think it’s harmless.

I relayed the news about my brother’s new situation to my boyfriend, and he had a very different reaction. He genuinely had a hard time wrapping his head around it. ‘White people, man. Sometimes I don’t understand.’

He wanted to know how you could sleep with someone after breaking up with them. How someone could be so casual about a relationship. If it’s just a need for sex, he said, why not just pick someone up from a bar?

4 thoughts on “Them’s the breaks.

      1. You know that your relationship is not working that’s why at first you are breaking up and if you are still getting intimate with the same partner after you have broken up means that you still wanna be with that person. There were some challenging times based on which u decided breaking up is the best thing and since u decide that breaking up is what you want then you should understand that breaking up means “moving on”. Coming back to the same person for sex after you have broken up represents immaturity on your part. Sex is a very intimate thing when you are in a relationship, more than a need it a representation of love/feelings when you are having with the person which you are in a relationship with. And once u decide he/she is not the one and u need to separate this mean separate, if you keep coming back for sex this mean the feelings are there and just because there were some challenges in your relationship u decided to take an easy way out of saying lets break up and keep hooking up . The love and feelings are still there its just that you are not tough enough to walk that extra mile and make the thing work. Well it my take on the thing and i feel that if its a break up its a break up which means MOVE ON

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  1. I hear what you’re saying but I think it’s very black and white. Love isn’t always so cut and dry.
    I also disagree about it showing immaturity – I think on the contrary it shows maturity to be able to maintain a relationship with someone after a breakup. To be able to separate sex and love.
    Coming back to that person for intimacy doesn’t necessarily mean there are still feelings. People have needs, people are going to have sex. Instead of picking up a stranger at a bar and taking chances, why not have sex with someone you know and trust?

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